Dealing with depression especially after a miscarriage is not an easy thing to do for most women. This becomes harder, especially when people around you do not understand how you feel. Therefore, they could provide little or no comfort to enhance your healing process. Miscarrying a pregnancy for most women is the same thing as losing a child. This is because you are already attached to the new life forming inside of you and you are already imaging how life will be with your baby. Some women even give a name to their unborn baby immediately she is officially confirmed to be pregnant by their gynecologists. However, losing such a pregnancy that you feel has become your source of joy is one of the most pathetic experience a woman could ever have.
As a first-time mom to-be, after getting married to my husband, the next thing I wanted was to have a baby with my husband. I was trying to conceive naturally for a couple of months. Meanwhile, I made lots of research online on how to know when I am pregnant, even, before i am medically confirmed pregnant by the doctor. I also tracked my ovulation all along so I knew my most fertile days and I made sure to have sex with my husband on such days. So I was very hopeful that something good will come up soon. The thought of having a miscarriage never came up non my list.
Then at the third month of trying, after my ovulation period. I noticed some severe changes in my body which were more pronounced than my PMS signs and are related to pregnancy signs. My heart was filled with joy, that I could be carrying a fertilized egg in my Fallopian tubes then I started tracking my implantation period. There was so much excitement, and you know those kinds of excitement that you feel when you are so expectant that you will have a positive pregnancy result.
Fast forward to the date for my next menstrual period. Just like what every mom to-be will do, I prayed; ‘oh my God please let the implantation be successful because I don’t want another Menstrual flow this month. I became so desperate for an official positive pregnancy test. Mind you, I already had a negative home pregnancy test at 6DPO which I thought was as a result of testing too early.
Then comes this light menstrual cramps on the supposed first day of my menstrual period with no flow till the end of the day. I was overjoyed that I made it but had to wait a few days before testing again. Then on the second day, it all started late in the evening period and here comes this serious and painful menstrual cramps that make me feel as if my uterus wall was tearing up and falling all by itself. I cried all night as my cervix dilate and contrast with lots of blood and tissues being passed out through my vagina. Can I call this a failed implantation or a miscarriage?
Failed hopes, shattered expectation, no baby, what could have happened? Finally, I realized I just had what was medically called a chemical pregnancy or what some referred to as a blighted ovum. This is what happens when there is a deformation in the genetic formation of the fertilized egg as a result of a poor quality ovum or sperm. Then the fertilized egg fails to implant once the body recognizes this deformity. The body then expels the deformed fertilized egg as a menstrual flow even before the expectant mother knows that she is pregnant. Nevertheless, is still believed it was a miscarriage as I had all hope that i was carrying a fertilized ovum.
Despite the disappointment and failed hopes, I decided to try again the following month and then the same thing came happening all over again. However, I have not loosed hope to get pregnant and I have decided to keep on trying until I have my baby. I have been praying too and trusting God, exercising my faith and keeping the word of God alive in my heart. Having a miscarriage was never on my list, so it really got me depressed when I felt I had loose what was supposed to be my baby.
Are you a first-time mom-to-be who is trying to conceive but going through similar issues like mine or even worse? Am going to briefly share with you some of the things I did that kept me going despite all my struggles while trying to conceive and how I had cope with depression after two miscarriages.
10 Amazing ways to cope with depression after a miscarriage
1. It is ok to cry if you feel like crying
Crying allows you to release those inner struggles and the negative vibes inside of you. So don’t feel too bad if you feel like crying. It’s ok for you to grieve for your child not making it alive. However, don’t blame yourself. Because, it’s not your fault, especially, when you don’t have the power to control the cause of the miscarriage.
2. Seek medical assistance
If you think that you need to seek medical assistance, then you should. Especially in severe cases, when your pregnancy is in the second or third trimester, don’t hesitate to visit the Doctor. Having a miscarriage at the second or third trimester is very dangerous to your health and also lead to depression. Depression will have more negative effect on you while trying to conceive, so seek medical attention. Make sure that you receive all the necessary medical care. Have your fertility tests, and treatments and adhere to all medical prescriptions from your gynecologist.
3. Maintain a healthy living
You don’t have to bury your head in depression all day long. Maintaining a healthy life will increase your chances of conceiving again. You will also be able to stay sexually active. Make sure you have a regular balanced diet, have regular simple exercise exercises, sleep well and maintain healthy social behavior. Having a miscarriage is not an end to your hope of giving birth to a child. It just show that you are fertile and capable of reproducing yourself.
4. Discuss exactly how you feel with your partner
Don’t assume that your partner should know how you feel. Instead, talk it over with him when you are more emotionally stable. Let him know how much you will appreciate it, if you could receive some comfort from him. And make sure you find love, comfort, and encouragement from your partner or a loved one. Holding-in your sadness will increase depression.
5. Have regular sex with your partner.
Make sure that you have regular sex with your partner at least every other day. Having enough sperm in your body will help to increase your chance of conception, during ovulation. Don’t forget to track your ovulation and make sure to have sex on such days. Sex is never too much especially when you are trying for a baby. However, having regular sex with your partner can also provide healing from all feelings of depression because you will receive more love during this time.
6. Eat more fruits and veggie. Take vitamins and folic acid
Taking fruits like apple and pineapple can increase your chance of fertility. Research has proven that pineapple contain the enzyme called bromelain which can help the fertilized egg to implant firmly into the uterine wall. The Vitamin C contained in pineapple as well as other fruits and veggie will help to boost your immune system for increased rate of fertility and prevents miscarriage.
7. Seek comfort from God’s word
The most secure place to find hope and comfort is from God’s word. Believe every word of God that you have read, knowing fully well that God has the best plan for you. Study your bible regularly and make sure that you confess God’s word as it applies to your situation. The Lord has promised you fruitfulness, you shall not be barren neither shall you cast your young(miscarriage).
8. Pray
Prayer has a way of relieving our griefs when will let God know how much we are going through. When you pray, God’s love and light will radiate all over your heart, thereby, producing a supernatural joy from within. The joy will be beyond the sorrow that you might have experienced. Prayer is one of the effective medicine to heal from depression.
9. Pursue fulfilment in other areas of your life
You don’t have to bury yourself in depression forever. Engage yourself in productive activities that excite and make you feel fulfilled. Joyfully await the arrival of your bundle of joy (I mean your baby). Nevertheless, be more productive in your job or business. If you have a job that gives you more free time, you can start a blog and start writing. Writing has a way of helping your pour out your thoughts and sharing your ideas with your online friends. You can blog about everything that you love.
10. Stay hopeful
Never lose the hope of having your biological child, even if you have had multiple miscarriages. Because, with God, all things are possible.
“If you think you can, then you will”. Shine Rose
