The Llivingemerald

Category: INSPIRATION

Everyone needs to be inspired and motivated at one point or the other in their lives. What we do during our down times reflects who we are and who we will become. This category contains articles that will inspire and motivate you to be your best even at your most distressing time. This inspirational section will keep you going.

  • 4 Deadly Behavioral Patterns of Emotional Blackmailers You Must Know

    4 Deadly Behavioral Patterns of Emotional Blackmailers You Must Know

    4 Deadly Behavioral Patterns of Emotional Blackmailers You Must Know

    Behavioral Patterns of Emotional Blackmailers are easy to notice even though they are subtle and might not be seen as Emotional Blackmail to the victim. Having a good knowledge of the Behavioural Patterns of Emotional Blackmailers will help you know how to protect yourself from a such toxic relationships.

    Even though emotional blackmailers frequently employ a variety of strategies, these four deadly Behavioral Patterns of Emotional Blackmailers can be deadly to your relationship.

    Behavioral Patterns of Emotional Blackmailers

    • Punishers

    Someone who is using punishment tactics will make it clear what they want and then threaten you with dire consequences if you don’t give in.

    Direct threats are common, but punishers may also use other forms of aggression, anger, or silence to exert control. This is commonly known as a silent treatment where the blackmailer keeps to themselves, suddenly becomes silent in the middle of a conversation, and ignores your presence.

    Take this as just one example:

    Your significant other greets you with a kiss at the door and says,

    “It was a massive day for me in sales! Allow us to rejoice”. With a wink and a nod, he suggests having dinner, dance, or romance.

    Then you reply, “Congratulations! But, you know, I’ve been working myself to death. I had planned to unwind with a long soak in the tub. What about the day after tomorrow? ”

    Then Immediately His mood shifts, and it’s over. He storms off down the corridor, slamming doors behind him. He ignores you when you try to follow and talk to him.

    • Self-punishers

    In addition to threats, one of the Behavioral Patterns of Emotional Blackmailers is self-punishment. An emotional blackmailer can also involve physical violence. However, self-punishers won’t threaten you; instead, they’ll tell you how your defiance will hurt them. Letting you know how bad they will feel or even doubt your love, if you do not give in to their request.

    For instance, an emotional blackmailer might say, “If you don’t give me a loan, I’ll have to sell my car tomorrow.”

    “It’s true that we’d be without a home if you didn’t offer us shelter. Consider your niece and nephew! What might happen to them is anyone’s guess. Will you be okay with that? ”

    A person engaging in self-punishment may try to shift the blame for their problems onto you so that you’ll feel sympathetic and willing to help.

    • Sufferers

    Many times, a person who is suffering will be unable to put into words the emotions they are experiencing.

    They might say nothing directly to express their displeasure if they feel you have wronged them or if they are requesting assistance, but instead might display:

    • expressions of melancholy or despondency, such as frowns, sighs, tears, or wallowing
    • Experiencing distress

    However, they may also provide a detailed explanation of what is causing them distress.

    To give just one illustration:

    You were talking to a pal about finding a roommate for your single bedroom and shared bathroom last week. The question your friend asked was, “Why don’t you let me stay there for free?” You shrugged off the comment as a joke and laughed at it.

    He was crying on the phone when they called you today, saying,

    “How miserable I am. I can hardly muster the energy to get out of bed,” he complains. After going through an awful breakup, I now have to deal with my miserable coworkers, but I have no money to quit my job. Please, let something good happen to me. As it stands, I simply cannot maintain my current level of stress. It’s likely that my mood would improve dramatically if I had a place to stay temporarily where I didn’t have to worry about making rent payments.”

    If you consent, then, he has successfully manipulated you into letting him stay in your apartment for free because he knew you have an extra space in your apartment that you actually wanted to rent out.

    • Tantalizers

    Emotional blackmail can take on the appearance of benevolence in specific contexts. This is one of the subtle behavioral patterns of emotional blackmailers that are hard to notice by the victims.

    To make you consent to their idea, a tantalizer will offer you praise and encouragement while dangling a reward in front of your face. However, once you get past one obstacle, another will appear. You’re going to have to slow down. This is a way of manipulating you to get what they want because of a reward they promised. These behavioral patterns of emotional blackmailers are common in a relationship that you expect to lead to marriage. The emotional blackmailer continues to manipulate you with a promise to get married to you in the nearest future.

    Sometimes a boss will tell you that you’re doing great work. They softly let you know, “You possess all the skills I need in an employee such as a regional manager. I am planning to open a new branch office, and the position will open up soon. Can I rely on you until then? ”

    You feel ecstatic because He has finally convinced you. You’re working longer hours, skipping lunch, and even coming in on the weekends because your boss keeps piling on the extra work. When the new branch office was opened, your boss drops the subject of promoting you.

    Upon your inquiry, they become abrupt.

    “I have employed someone who is more qualified with more years of experience handling a new branch office.” I think it’s better you keep working here in your role till you gain more experience. I was hoping for more from you, He’d said.

     

    How to Deal with and respond to the Behavioral Patterns of Emotional Blackmailers

    You can respond effectively if you believe you are the target of emotional blackmail by doing a few things.

    The behavioral patterns of emotional blackmailers (such as using guilt to get someone to do what you want) can be learned from one’s family or previous significant others, as such actions become a habitual means of satisfying basic human wants.

    However, there are those who would purposefully resort to emotional blackmail. You might wish to avoid these situations such as ending the relationship if you don’t feel confident approaching the person.

    The first step to deal with the behavioral patterns of an emotional blackmailer is to :

    You might desire to push back when your loved one’s wants or boundaries cause you stress or pain.

    Everyone, however, has the option to define and reaffirm personal boundaries. Only when there is an element of coercion, threat, or control can emotional manipulation be considered blackmail.

    However, it is possible to misinterpret a current circumstance as blackmail by bringing up unpleasant emotions and recollections from the past. This is an important reason for you to identify the behavioral patterns of emotional blackmailers.

    Emotional blackmail can result if we respond to someone out of fear or insecurity, thinking that setting limits or saying no will result in rejection. You must check out the behaviors of your partner and be sure they are any of the behavioral patterns of an emotional blackmailer.

    • Don’t lose your cool keep calm and take time to make your decision

    If someone is trying to manipulate you, they may insist you respond quickly. When you’re feeling anxious and upset, you could cave in without thoroughly weighing your options.

    This is one reason why blackmail is effective. Just try to keep your cool and tell them you need some time.

    Say something like, “I’m indecisive right now. I’ll have to think that over and get back to you with my thoughts.

    Stay firm if they keep putting pressure on you to make a decision right now (or rise to threats). Repeat it, calmly, that you need some space to think.

    • Commence a dialogue

    The breathing room you provide yourself will allow you to plan. Sometimes, how you choose to respond to a situation will be determined by factors including the nature of the behavior and the urgency of the request.

    Before you start a dialogue with a suspected emotional blackmailer, think about your own safety first. You can talk if you don’t worry about your physical or mental safety.

    A sizable percentage of blackmailers have a firm grasp of their craft. They care only that their needs are met, and are willing to pay any price to do so.

    The other person is using you as a pawn in a strategy they think will help them get what they want, and they have no idea how their actions affect you. Here, having a dialogue with them can help raise their level of consciousness.

    You should let your partner know how their actions or words have affected you. Please give them a chance to alter their ways.

    • Pinpoint the causes of your problems.

    In most cases, a person attempting to influence you will have a clear grasp of what may set off emotional responses from you.

    Maybe they’ve threatened to cause a disturbance if you express a distaste for arguing in public.

    Reclaiming your agency in a blackmail situation begins with gaining insight into the other person’s worldview and the irrational fears or beliefs that underpin it. It will be far more difficult for the opposing party to employ them in a destructive manner.

    Using the same example, this could entail developing a go-to line of defense whenever someone threatens to engage you in an argument in public.

    • Engage them in a settlement

    When you are able to identify the behavioral patterns of emotional blackmailers, especially in your significant other, you should engage them in a settlement.

    Your refusal may be taken less seriously if you give the other person the opportunity to assist you in finding a workable alternative.

    To get them to work together on a solution, start with a statement that acknowledges their emotions.

    Perhaps you explain to your significant other, “I’m hearing you feel irritated because I’m spending the weekend with my buddies. Could you explain to me why you’re so downtrodden? ”

    This shows empathy for the other person’s feelings and shows your willingness to collaborate with them.

    The Bottom line

    Is there a plan if your partner says he will hurt himself when you refused his request or engaged in dialogue?

    It’s human nature to want to please someone who threatens bodily harm if you don’t comply with their demands.

    Constantly remind yourself that you are responsible for the choices you make. However much you care for someone, you cannot decide for them.

    Helping them get in touch with resources (like 911 or a crisis line) is better for both of you. You can also read a book on handling emotional blackmail.

    As a result, Emotional blackmail often takes the form of sarcasm, relationship “tests,” unfair blame, implied threats, and the resulting feelings of guilt, duty, and dread.

    It may seem like giving in is the best approach to avoid conflict, yet doing so usually results in the manipulator increasing their pressure.

    Sometimes it’s possible to talk sense into the other person; other times, it may be necessary to cut ties or see a therapist. Nevertheless, for your emotional and physical well-being, you should identify the behavioral patterns of emotional blackmailers and know the right action to take.

  • Emotional Blackmail

    Emotional Blackmail

    Emotional Blackmail

    To emotionally blackmail someone means that they will appeal to your emotions to influence your actions or change your perspective.

    In 1997, Dr. Susan, a therapist, author, and lecturer, wrote a book titled: Emotional Blackmail, which explained the concept’s meaning in detail. “Emotional Blackmail is when the People in or around Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You” She introduced the concept of emotional blackmail by using case studies to understand better how to overcome this type of manipulation.

    Erika Myers, a therapist based in Bend, Oregon, explained emotional blackmail as being subtle and insidious. It’s an act that might appear as withholding of affection, expression of disappointment, or even a slight shift in body language,” she says.

    The mechanism of emotional blackmail, and how it functions

    Emotional blackmail, like traditional blackmail, is a form of coercion used to coerce a desired response. However, rather than using their knowledge of your secrets or soft spots against you, the exploiter plays on your vulnerabilities by exploiting your feelings.

    Six stages of Emotional Blackmail

    1. Demand

    To begin the process of emotional blackmail, one must make a demand.

    You could hear something like, “I don’t believe you should hang out with so-and-so anymore.”

    Such a friend could play down the significance  by saying something like “You know that friend: they always act down and speak sarcastically when you see them.” However, when You inquire as to their distress, and he respond, “I don’t like the way they stare at me.” In my opinion, such a friend is harmful to your health.

    A person who emotionally blackmail you secretly demands something of you, but they’ll say they want what’s best for you. However, this is still an effort to influence who you choose to be friends with or what you do.

     

    1. Resistance

    People who practice emotional blackmail will likely exert pressure if you refuse to comply with their demands.

    Simply stating, “I’m not comfortable letting you drive my car because you’re not insured” is a way of stating your reason why you do not want your partner to drive your car. But if you’re concerned about their reaction, you can quietly refuse by saying things like:

    “The car ran out of gas because I “forgot” to fill it up”, “I forgot to secure my keys”, or you might keep silent and pray he forgets about you.

     

    1. Pressure

    In a happy and healthy friendship, each partner expresses their wants and needs to the other. Usually, when one partner encounters resistance in a relationship, the other either backs down or makes an effort to work things out.

    A blackmailer will use any means necessary to get what they want from you, which could include the following:

    • repetition of their demand couched in terms that enhance their credibility (e.g., “I’m only thinking of our future”).
    • elaborating on the detrimental effects your resistance has on them
    • the use of phrases like “If you loved me, you’d do it”
    • putting you down or offering criticism
    1. Threats

    Direct or indirect threats can both be used in emotional blackmail.

    A blackmailer might express a direct and immediate negative effect of your resistance to their demand on you. Saying something like, “I won’t be here when you get back if you go out with your friends tonight.”

    He might also speak of a Possibility of harm, but not directly. He might say things like, “If you can’t be here with me tonight, when I really need you, maybe someone else can.”

    They may say something like, “I am sure we’ll have a much better time together than you’d have going out, our connection depends on this.” This is meant to sound like a promise but is actually a threat..

    They are trying to manipulate you even though this might  seem like much of a threat. They don’t come out and say it, but they hint that continuing to resist won’t do anything positive for your relationship.

    1. Compliance

    You give up and cave in because you obviously don’t want them to follow through on their threats. You may begin to question whether or not your refusal of their “request” was justified.

    Eventually giving in to the pressure and threats can be the best option, but it’s possible that compliance will be a long and arduous process. When you finally cave in, the storm will pass. Since they now have what they wanted, they may appear exceptionally compassionate and caring.

    1. Repetition

    If the other player sees that you are willing to give in, they will be able to anticipate your moves in future encounters. Its easy to give in to your manipulator especially when you are going through tough times and you needed some love. But, you need to know that when you give in the first time, then there are more chances that you will give in the next time.

    Emotional blackmail has a cumulative effect, making it simpler to give in than to resist mounting pressure and threats. It’s possible you’ll learn to accept the fact that they’ll withhold their love until you give in to their demands.

    They may discover that a specific threatening tactic is more effective than others in getting results quickly. The current trend is, therefore, likely to persist.

    The Bottom line

    Whenever you experience emotional blackmail, do resolve into giving in quickly, you can learn how to overcome emotional blackmail and have a healthy relationship.

  • My postpartum depression story

    My postpartum depression story

    My postpartum depression story.

    Postpartum depression is common among women after child delivery and can be a result of emotional changes, and psychological, physical, financial, and social changes.

    Postpartum depression is common among new moms who are first-time moms and each of these moms has unique symptoms of postpartum feelings or postpartum depression.

    Just like 75% of new moms who experience postpartum or baby blues, I have also had my fair share of it.

    If you are a new mom who is experiencing postpartum depression, know that you are not alone. As a first-time mom, I was so enthusiastic about having my baby and I have always fantasized about how my little prince charming will look like as I hold him. However, fate had a different plan for me.

    The pregnancy journey was all fine until my due date came and passed, I was 40 weeks and 2 days gone, and the anxiety of carrying the pregnancy begin to set in. All I wanted at this time was to have my baby delivered as I was getting emotionally and physically drained from carrying the pregnancy for so long. The doctor said I can still wait for one more week for the water to break and if not, there might be a need for a cesarean section.

    When I was 40 days and 5 days gone, I had this sharp pain in my tummy that stroked through my shoulder and my back and some little water coming from my vagina. And the vuum! I went to the hospital the following morning. The doctor said my cervix was 2cm dilated. The contractions were inconsistent and not strong for over 8 hours then the doctor said he will have to induce my cervix for quick contractions. After the inductions, the cervix was still 4cm dilated for another 8 hours and then the doctor said he will have to perform a compulsory c-section if the cervix dilation did not increase.

    With low energy and motivation, I agreed to the c-section. I was given loads of injections before and after the c-section, and 24 hours after the c-section I got better. I was happy to see my son and to hold him just like I have been optimistic.

    However, I experience fear, anxiety, irritation, sadness, and worry when my blood pressure will not be lowered and the breast milk will not flow out for the baby to suck and the baby cried a lot, refusing to be pacified with formula food.

    When we brought the baby home, a lot of family and friends came over, but I was so irritated by their presence and lots of talk. I knew I was getting depressed but I do not know how to handle this. I get upset and irritated at any slight provocation. I couldn’t eat much, I get angry so easily and wondered where the baby came from. Seeing the house cluttered, dirty, and disorganized was a major trigger for irritation and anxiety, and coupled with the fact that I was forced to eat certain cultural food which was believed to help in the increased production of breast milk was also irritating and depressing.

    I knew this was not the real me, so I decided to ask google what my symptoms indicate. I could have gone to the hospital but actually, I didn’t have the knowledge that postpartum depression was a medical condition that can be treated medically.

    So, when I discovered my symptoms were that of postpartum depression, I search for how to overcome postpartum depression.

    How I overcame postpartum depression

    The first step to overcoming postpartum depression is that recognized that I was depressed, and needed help. I spoke with my partner who encouraged me and I also spoke with a few friends who are moms and have experienced postpartum depression. They also encouraged me and gave me some tips on how to go easy with myself and the surrounding people to ease the symptoms of postpartum depression.

    Some tips that helped me overcome postpartum depression are:

    I accepted my child and the circumstances of his birth knowing that they were not my fault no anybody’s fault.

    I loved my child for who he is

    I accepted the fact the family members who take care of the baby will soon leave and I will have my privacy

    Domestic help can always clean the house

    My child is a gift from God which I must be grateful for.

    It’s not a must for me to breastfeed, I can bottle-feed and my baby will still be healthy.

    I constantly accepted love and asked for help from my partner

    I visited the hospital for postnatal depression therapy for my mental health improvement.

    I could overcome postpartum depression, not until 3 to 4 months after my delivery. I regained my normal life and my baby continued to grow healthy and loving.

     

     

     

     

  • Postpartum depression: 10 Common Causes, Symptoms and Treatments.

    Postpartum depression: 10 Common Causes, Symptoms and Treatments.

    Postpartum depression isn’t always a psychosis issue, as its most times a result of difficulties experienced during pregnancy and child delivery. Postpartum depression at its earlier stage can be resolved without medical treatment but with much love shown to the new mom.

    Many new moms and especially first-time moms experience postpartum also known as “baby blues” which might start two to three days after delivery. However, when postpartum lasts for more than two weeks then it’s known as postpartum depression and this needs medical attention.

    signs Common to postpartum include mood swings, anxiety, crying, unexplained fear, difficulty with sleep and poor eating habit, fear of breastfeeding, unexplained body aches, irritation, being overwhelmed, etc.

    How do you know whether you are having baby blues or postpartum depression?

    When postpartum symptoms last for so long, it can lead to postpartum depression. With postpartum depression, you might find it difficult to take care of your baby or show love to the baby. Some women who experience postpartum depression find it difficult to accept the fact that they gave birth to the baby especially if the pregnancy is unplanned or as a result of rape but not limited to these reasons.

    Other reasons could be as a result of hormonal, changes, emotional, physical, social, or financial changes. However, among 1000 new mores, 75% will experience baby blues and 15% of new moms will experience postpartum depression after child delivery, and 1 out of the 1000 new moms will develop postpartum psychosis.

    Here are the signs that you are having postpartum depression

    • Severe mood swings causing depression
    • Unexplainable excessive cry
    • Difficulty in bonding with your newborn
    • Intentional withdrawal from others
    • Difficulty in sleeping or sleeping too much
    • Disordered eating habit
    • Excessive feelings of fatigue
    • Excessive anger
    • Excessive irritation
    • Loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed
    • Depressed mood or severe mood swings
    • Excessive crying
    • Difficulty bonding with your baby
    • Withdrawing from family and friends
    • Loss of appetite or eating much more than usual
    • Inability to sleep (insomnia) or sleeping too much
    • Overwhelming fatigue or loss of energy
    • Feelings of hopelessness
    • Anxiety
    • Fear
    • Frequent suicidal thoughts
    • Lack of motivation
    • Difficulty in focusing

    How long does postpartum depression last?

    Postpartum depression might last up to one year. However, you can get cured before then as most women get over this within three to six months with medical treatment, help from loving friends and families, and self-care.

    Factors that can increase the risk of having postpartum depression after childbirth

    There are several factors that can increase your risk of having postpartum depression after child delivery. Some of them are:

    • If you are a single parent
    • You’ve experienced rape
    • If you have a medical history of depression, excessive anxiety, or worry
    • If you live in a hostile environment
    • If you are experiencing a conflict in your relationship or marriage
    • If you experience pregnancy issues such as premature birth or a stillbirth
    • If the baby cries a lot or has special needs.

    Postpartum psychosis

    Postpartum depression, when left untreated for months can lead to postpartum psychosis as the symptoms become more severe at this stage. This stage of postpartum is more dangerous and deadly for both mother and child and requires immediate treatment.

    Symptoms of postpartum psychosis

    • Severe confusion or disorientation
    • Suicidal thoughts about yourself or your baby
    • Hallucination and disillusionment
    • Acute depression and anxiety
    • Self-harming

    When to see a doctor

    You need to see the doctor for medical treatment when you experience these severe symptoms of postpartum depression:

    • Suicidal thoughts toward yourself or your baby
    • Hallucination
    • Weight loss
    • Sleep disorder
    • Severe anxiety, worry, fear and depression.

    Can postpartum depression affect the baby?

    Yes, postpartum depression can have a severe effect on your baby if you are your baby is left untreated. You need to be physically, emotionally, and psychologically healthy to take good care of the baby. Without this, the baby might be malnourished resulting in growth disorder. You might also be unable to bond with your baby effectively and this could result in the baby having an impaired social ability.

    How is postpartum depression diagnosed?

    There are several ways in which the doctor can diagnose if you are having postpartum depression or baby blues. During your postpartum visit, the doctor may:

    • Review your health history and ask questions on how you’ve felt since after delivery
    • Perform physical tests or lab tests
    • Perform a depression screening by asking you questions about yourself and your child. Doctors may use the Edinburgh postnatal depression scale of 1 to 10 which includes 10  questions relating to postpartum depression. Your responses about how you’ve felt in the last 7 days will be measured against the responses on the scale to know how close they are. Having a high measurement indicates that you are having postpartum depression.
    • Could order a blood test to confirm hormonal changes

    Treatment for postpartum depression

    After the doctor’s diagnosis and you are confirmed to have postpartum depression, the doctor might place you on an antidepressant drug, conduct psychotherapy, and include you in a depression support group for participation. Postpartum psychosis can also be treated with anti-depressant or anti-psychosis drugs. Electroconvulsive therapy can also be an effective treatment. The doctor will place you on these treatments and therapies until you are responsive and becomes stable. You do not have to worry if you are a breastfeeding mom as your doctor will decide on the appropriate antidepressant drug or form of treatment to administer to you.

    12 ways to cope with postpartum depression

    If you’ve been diagnosed with postpartum depression and either or not commenced treatment, here are some effective ways to cope and even get healed.

    • Talk to someone either a loving friend or family or a therapist.
    • Receive support from your partner or anyone close to you
    • Join a depression support group
    • Take enough rest, food, and exercise
    • Engage in lifestyle modification
    • Embrace self-love and self-care
    • Join new moms support groups
    • Improve on your social relationships. Avoid staying alone with your baby
    • Accept your baby as a gift from the lord.
    • Improve your faith life
    • Live a life of gratitude.

    Conclusion

    There is hope for recovery for every woman who is experiencing postpartum depression. With appropriate medical treatment and self-love, you can overcome your symptoms and be a happy mom.

     

     

     

     

  • Finding happiness: 1 Best way to finding happiness every day.

    Finding happiness: 1 Best way to finding happiness every day.

    Finding happiness: 1 Best Way to Finding Happiness Every day.

    Finding happiness is a major desire of lots of individuals and they tend to seek happiness even in the wrong places. Nothing on this side of life can give us true joy and happiness as they are all but for a moment.

    God gives us happiness as a gift. A major theme of this article is our search for fulfillment in God. But for the time being, let’s focus on the joy that God gives. All who have faith in Christ Jesus can rejoice because, through Jesus’ death, burial, and resurrection, God has provided a means for us to be reconciled to Himself. Thanks to what Jesus Christ has done for us, we have the opportunity to know and appreciate God. What an incredible honor!

     

    Let us not focus on our merits as God’s servants. No! We should focus on the things He has accomplished for us. The completed work of Christ on the cross is what counts, not our imperfect effort. In light of the finished work of Christ on the cross, we can understand that God is filled with joy whenever He looks at us. God loves you exceedingly and delights in you. Real joy and happiness can only be found in God. We give thanks to the Lord for His kindness and for this wonderful present. In the journey of our lives, finding happiness begins and ends with God.

    True joy and happiness originate in our belief in Jesus Christ, regardless of our external circumstances. You can find happiness in Jesus alone. Jesus Christ is the only true source of joy and true happiness that persist forever.

    Keeping a positive outlook helps not only yourself but everyone around you. Would you love to spend time with a perpetual downer or an always happy person? A positive outlook has a contagious effect on those around you.

    Don’t base your contentment and joy on how well you’re doing on your spiritual path or financial accomplishments. You will surely get hurt on this journey to eternal life. Rest on Christ’s accomplished work on the cross for your happiness and tranquility.

    Happiness cannot be bought, only found in Christ. Things in this world are killing us. Therefore, you need to see things in their eternal context because natural things are nothing more than distractions. It’s evident that some of the world’s wealthiest people also suffer from depression. Even though they appear happy in pictures, it’s best to wait for them to be alone before assuming anything. Many of these wealthy people who do not have Christ are always in pursuit of finding happiness. It’s impossible for external factors to ease the emptiness you feel inside. It won’t satisfy you, and it won’t help you find happiness. Only the love of God in your heart produces true happiness.

    How should you handle your happy moments? At every moment of joy, I remember that it is God alone who makes it possible for me to experience that joy. Give God credit, both when you’re feeling good and when you’re feeling bad.

    Do not attribute your success to your effort because if you do, your happiness and joy will disappear when anything happens to your success or accomplishment.

    Share your happy moments with your loved ones, show some love to other people who need love, and tell them how much God cares about them. Happy moments are times when you will want to showcase your achievements and become proud or puffy. During these moments, you must give all the glory to God acknowledging his power and supremacy.

    Conclusion

    True joy and happiness can be found in Christ Jesus alone.

     

  • Self-harm Alternative: 7 amazing self-harm strategies to use

    Self-harm Alternative: 7 amazing self-harm strategies to use

    Self-harm Alternative: 7 Amazing self-harm Alternatives to use

    Self-harm alternatives are coping strategies that can help you overcome the urge to self-harm or stop self-harming.

    If you want to stop self-harming, you must reach out for help and surround yourself with positive people. You shouldn’t feel you have to figure things out by yourself. Young individuals who always handle issues themselves may find it challenging to ask for and accept help. Learning to accept aid from others is a crucial step on the road to recovery.

    Self-harm can be a symptom of an underlying cause. Talking to a trusted person can help you identify that issue and develop healthier methods to deal with stress. Learning what triggers your sensations of joy, sorrow, anger, isolation, weakness, or strength can lead to more adaptive coping strategies.

    7 self-harm alternatives you should try out

    1. Psychotherapy

    Talking to an adult you trust, a friend, or a medical expert who is knowledgeable on the matter (preferably a psychiatrist) is the first step in seeking help. A psychiatrist will inquire about your present and prior health status and any self-harming actions. The diagnostic interview could span an hour or more.

    You can benefit from psychotherapy by learning to

    • recognize and deal with the causes of your self-harm;
    • cope more effectively with negative emotions;
    • build a more positive sense of self-control;
    • enhance your relationships and social skills;
    • solve problems in constructive ways.

    Individual psychotherapy can take many forms and may be beneficial sometimes.

    Types of psychotherapy can include:

    • Dialectical behavior therapy: This is a subset of CBT that teaches behavioral skills to help you handle distress, cope with or regulate emotions, and improve relationships with others;
    • Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT): This will help you identify negative, unhealthy beliefs and behaviors and replace them with healthy, adaptive ones.
    • Mindfulness-based therapies help you focus on the here-and-now, how to interpret the motives and actions of others around you accurately and ultimately lessen your anxiety and despair.
    1. Medical Care

    Unfortunately, self-injury is not in agreement with conventional medical treatment. However, medical care is proven to be an effective self-harm alternative for coping and control. Suppose they have diagnosed you with a mental health condition like depression or anxiety. In that case, your doctor may prescribe drugs such as antidepressants or other medications to treat the underlying cause contributing to your self-harm. If you suffer from one of these mental illnesses, getting treatment may reduce your desire or urge to hurt yourself.

     

    1. Psychiatric hospitality

    In cases of severe or recurring self-injury, medical professionals may advise patients to seek inpatient psychiatric care as a self-harm alternative. Being admitted to the hospital, even if only for a short period, can provide a secure environment and increased levels of care as you get through a treatment plan. Daily programs for mental health care may also be an option.

    1. A focus on self-care

    Besides medical attention, consider the following self-harm alternative:

    • Follow your doctor’s orders in the letter. Don’t miss therapy sessions and always take your medicine as indicated.
    • Be aware of what may cause you to experience the need to self-harm. Prepare yourself for the next time you feel the need to self-harm by thinking ahead about other ways to calm or distract yourself and receive help.
    • Keep the number of your doctor or mental health professional close at hand, and call them if you engage in self-injurious behavior.
    • Try to make exercise and breathing exercises a standard part of your day. Sustain a nutritious diet. Too much or not enough sleep can impact one’s mood and behavior, so it’s important to seek medical help if you’re having trouble.
    • Stay away from drugs and alcohol. They impair decision-making ability and increase the risk of self-harm.
    • If you’ve hurt yourself, make sure to bandage yourself and contact a doctor if you need to.
    • Keep healthy social relationships

     

    1. Understand yourself

    Understanding the cycles of self-harm is effective with journaling and reflecting on experiences. Recognize the situations that set off your triggers. Several factors triggered the impulse to injure oneself. These things could be persons, scenarios, ideas, or emotions.

    You can reduce or eliminate self-harm when you notice your impulses. Try keeping a journal of your observations about your cravings to recognize them when they arise.

    Some examples of urges for self-harm are a rapid heartbeat, a sense of heaviness, the experience of intense emotions such as grief or anger, a sense of alienation from oneself or a lack of sensation, and unhealthy decisions, such as overworking to escape uncomfortable emotions; negative recurrent ideas, like “I’m going to cut myself.”

    1. Distract yourself

    Distract yourself if you’re feeling the want to hurt yourself. It could take some time before your emotions are calm enough to handle this.

    The time to act is whenever you feel the need or as soon as you realize you are hurting yourself.

    As a self-harm alternative, you may find it helpful to list various methods of coping with your feelings.

    Always keep yourself in a healthy social setting. Take away any weapons or tools that could be used for harming oneself.

    1. Delay yourself from self-harming

    Delay engaging in self-harming until you’ve shared your feelings with someone else or waited 15 minutes. Try to get additional 15 minutes if possible. Keep going till you feel better.

    Releasing negative emotion as a self-harm alternative

    Finding effective strategies to help people quit self-harming is challenging. In other words, one person’s “magic bullet” may not work for another. You can deal with intense feelings by trying the following strategies:

    • keeping a journal,
    • working out to release excess energy,
    • expressing yourself vocally by screaming or singing loudly (into a pillow if you don’t want others to hear) when you’re alone or to music.
    • Anxiety can be reduced by regularly engaging in calming activities like yoga, meditation, or mental imagery.

    See how to practice mental imagery as a self-harm alternative

    • Crying is a perfectly acceptable approach (not a sign of being weak or stupid) to release unhealthy emotions like sadness or anger.
    • Communicate with a friend or with Shine Rose (shinerosewriter@gmail.com).
    • Read a book or your Bible
    • Pray if you are a Christian
    • Listen to a music
    • Engage in creative activities such as drawing, painting, writing, scribbling, dancing, etc.
  • Self-harming? 5 Amazing whys for self-harming you must know

    Self-harming? 5 Amazing whys for self-harming you must know

    Self-harming is a treatable psychological condition and people who engage in self-harming acts are not always suicidal. however, there are several reasons why people self-harm.

    The things that stress one person may not stress or worry another. Some people can handle their problems by confiding in their loved ones, while others may need professional help. The strain can become overwhelming if you don’t release your feelings and discuss the things that are upsetting you. As a result, some people internalize these sensations and communicate them through their physical selves instead of their words. When this much pressure builds up, many people resort to self-harming.

    If you self-harm, you may discover that negative emotions like anger, distress, worry, and depression increase your desire to inflict pain on yourself.

    The motivations for self-harming vary widely between individuals. Among the many reported causes of and factors in self-injury among adolescents are:

    1. Social issues, such as
    • being bullied,
    • encountering obstacles at work or school,
    • having trouble maintaining positive connections with others.
    • navigating the journey of sexual or gender identity,
    • alcohol and drug use;
    • navigating social pressures on one’s own sense of self.
    • adjusting to new circumstances, like a new school
    1. Traumatic causes such as
    • Abuse, both physical and sexual
    • losing a loved one;
    • a miscarriage;
    • a failed marriage;
    • financial ruin,
    • debt,
    • and bankruptcy all qualify as traumatic experiences.
    1. Psychological cause includes:
    • Dissociation (a loss of connection with one’s own identity and one’s environment),
    • borderline personality disorder,
    • post-traumatic stress disorder,
    • bulimia,
    • and anorexia is a psychological condition that can lead to self-harm.
    1. Emotional factors include
    1. Spiritual causes such as,
    • a bewitched state,
    • possession by a malevolent spirit
    •  Evil or destructive vibes.

    These causes, especially when compounded, can be too much for any one person to handle. Many young people practice self-harming to “get out the hurt, anger, and pain” that they feel because of the stresses they face. They inflicted pain on themselves because they were at a loss and saw no other way out. When having trouble dealing with the emotional anguish, you’re feeling, talking to a trusted friend or family member or a medical expert can help.

    The teen and young adult years are peak times you can experience the urge to self-harm, while it can happen at any age. People who have been victims of trauma, neglect, or abuse are the most vulnerable. It could have developed as a defense strategy, for instance, if the person grew up in an emotionally disturbed home. There is an increased risk of self-harming when someone engages in heavy alcohol consumption or drug use.

    The desire to damage yourself may originate from intense emotions like rage, frustration, or pain. Self-harm can be a coping mechanism for those who are emotionally naïve or who learned as children to suppress their feelings. It’s possible that a boost in mood could result from an injury, as the body releases endorphins in response to pain. Alternatively, someone who is emotionally numb may deliberately hurt themselves in order to experience something “real” that will make the numbness go away.

    Conclusion

    Once someone has hurt themselves, they may feel bad about it. It’s possible that the person could damage themselves again if the shame causes them to feel really down. This pattern of conduct has the potential to create a self-perpetuating cycle of harm.

    Attempts at suicide differ from acts of self-harm. This is a major sign of emotional distress, though, and requires treatment as such. People who self-injure are more likely to be suicidal than those who don’t. Dealing with the feelings at the root of the problem is crucial.

  • Self-harm: 5 Amazing Meanings of Self-harm you must know

    Self-harm: 5 Amazing Meanings of Self-harm you must know

    Self-harm is any activity engaged in to inflict physical pain on oneself intentionally. While self-harm isn’t a mental health issue, it’s commonly a symptom of emotional discomfort.

    People frequently engage in hidden self-harm and prefer to act this way, especially if they worry other people won’t appreciate their honest expression of how they really feel. The self-injurer also worries about other people’s reactions and thinks that it’s possible that they won’t get the emotional complexity of their self-harming behavior and, therefore, would prefer them not to know.

    Self-harm is painful to the self-injurer and those closest to them.

    Using a sharp object as a cutter is a popular approach to self-harming. Certain individuals struggle to resist the urge to burn themselves, rip out their hair, or pick at their wounds intentionally. The bones in the body of a self-injurer can be fractured, if the injury is severe enough.

    Signs of emotional distress include self-harming behavior or thoughts. The longer a person resorts to self-harm to deal with distressing feelings, the more severe those feelings may become. Finding new strategies to cope with emotional distress will help you in the long run.

    It’s common to feel guilty after engaging in self-harming acts. Repeated cuts or burns can leave permanent scars. If you’re going to injure yourself, don’t mix it with substances that could worsen things. It’s a drain on resources, too, meaning, prioritizing less important things. Self-harming has a detrimental impact on your career and personal life, such as having to miss class to change bandages or avoid social events so that no one sees your scars.

    Self-harm is a coping mechanism for emotional distress, such as a negative emotion. Cutting, burning, and nonfatal overdosing are the most common methods. But it can also be relatively low-risk actions that result in damage.

    Self-injuring youths are not all the same. Anyone is susceptible to the mental health issue of self-harm. It’s estimated that 10%-20% of young people will engage in self-injuring acts at some point. But this does not mean you must engage in self-harm as a young person going through a difficult time. Many others have been through what you are going through, and they became a better person. You can do the same instead of engaging in self-injury.

    Although anybody can be impacted by self-harm, however, some people are more predisposed than others because of circumstances in their lives, such as where they live, the state of their relationships at home, at school, or elsewhere, or a combination of these. This means that certain people are more likely to hurt themselves than others. However, there is no justifiable reason to self-injure.

    Some have explained self-injury as an attempt to:

    • Share a feeling that defies articulation.
    • Translate intangible mental or emotional states into observable phenomena
    • Transform mental anguish into bodily discomfort
    • Decrease overwhelming emotional sentiments or thoughts with a sense of being in charge or having control over one’s life.
    • Get over your feelings of numbness, disconnection, and dissociation.
    • Verbalize your suicidal thoughts and feelings without really acting on them by ending their own lives.

    Conclusion

    A temporary sense of relief may follow acts of self-injury, but the underlying issue is unlikely to be resolved. Besides potentially making you feel worse, self-injury might evoke painful feelings.

     

    Self-harm is never without cause, but it is crucial to be aware of the potential consequences. It is usually challenging to break the habit of self-harm once it has become a habitual coping mechanism.

    Do you or a love one self-harm? You can live the changed life that you desire by taking the first step which is seeking help.

  • Happy Living: 5 ways to enjoy a happy life

    Happy Living: 5 ways to enjoy a happy life

    How to live a happy life: 5 ways to enjoy a happy life

    You do not need to search for happiness as many people do. Happiness lies within you and you can let it out and flow into your everyday life.

    Happy friend, here are 6 reasons you need to be happy every day

    1. God wants you to be happy
    2. Happiness is a medicine that renews your bones
    3. Happiness keeps you inspired and motivated
    4. Happiness keeps you productive throughout the day
    5. Happiness helps you to take good decisions and actions.
    6. Happiness helps you to keep healthy relationships.

    When you do these five things every day, then you will experience so much join and happiness in a measure that you wouldn’t be able to contain it.

    1. Accept and Give love
    Accept the love of God into your heart. When you think of how much God loves you, this hope keeps you alive and going even through the storm. Having the love of God in your heart helps you to live happily every day. However, God wants you to give this unconditional love to others by loving others genuinely.

    You can receive God’s love in your heart by accepting Jesus Christ as your lord a savior.

    2. Be Grateful
    If you want to be happy every day, gratitude is the key. Living a life of gratitude every day will help you overcome worry, anxiety, depression, and all forms of negative emotions. Be grateful for the things you have and worry less about the things you have no power to make happen, handing them over to the almighty.

    3. Show kindness to others
    Every act of kindness you show towards others will return to you, eventually. Showing kindness means you are a loving person and a loving person will always be happy every day. Don’t wait till you have the entire world, you can render that little help, encouragement, kind, helpful advice, and suggestions given to a helpless friend can go a long way with noteworthy impact.

    4. Enjoy and keep healthy relationships
    God created us as humans to depend on one another, I need you as much as you need me. Get in touch with friends and family, share your wins and falls, and lean on each other’s shoulders, bearing one another’s burden. Be friendly to all, show love to all, and be compassionate to all. Value your connections and keep in touch with them every day.

    5. Stay connected with yourself. Enjoy yourself.
    To be happy every day, you must stay connected with yourself through meditation, self-love, and positive affirmations.

    Loving yourself and accepting yourself for who you are is important in activating and enjoying a happy life. You must value yourself even when others do not. Remember that you are fearfully and wonderfully created in the image of the Almighty God himself. You are worth more than a million sparrows in the bushes. God cares for you.

    Conclusion

    It’s God’s will that you enjoy a happy life here on earth as you will be happier in heaven. Trusting God and depending absolutely on him is the first step to activating your happiness. If you are experiencing a difficult time in your life, don’t worry God gat your back. He will help you through and help you come out victorious.

    Remember, He said, in this world, you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer for he has overcome the world for you. This assurance of victory should keep your hope alive always. With Joy, you will draw water from your well of salvation, therefore, don’t give up. Always rejoice in the holy ghost for he has promised you Joy unspeakable and full of glory.

  • Happiness: 5 Ways to find Happiness within yourself

    Happiness: 5 Ways to find Happiness within yourself

    In the pursuit of Happiness, many people search for happiness in the wrong places. Many times, you think you can be happier if you have that degree, or if you are able to buy that house, get that contract, have a child of your own, start your business, get healed of that sickness, get hired for your dream Job and many more.

    Some individuals even think that they can be happier if only they have more, more money, more fame, come contract, more beauty, more clothes, more children, more connections, and more, and more.

    The more you chase all of those things, the more unhappy you will be. This is a bitter truth but I think I need to let you know this. You can discover the secret to a happy life.

    The source of happiness is within yourself. Look inward today and you will see how exciting your life can be.

    Here are the best 5 ways to discover true happiness.

    1. Look inward

    You need to create the time to look inward, instead of seeking out more of the things of this life which are external. The source of Happiness dwells within you, not outside.

    You are a carrier of joy and happiness. Happiness resides inside of you, all you need to do is to let it flow through you to the outside world.
    Having more materials, successes wins, and more is good but they will only give you momentary happiness, and the next minute you are already wanting more.

    2. Unlock your treasure Chest

    True Happiness can be tapped from within when you unlock the treasure chest within your soul.
    You can discover the source of true happiness when you discover your true essence, your purpose of living, and how to impact your world, starting from where you are.

    Discover the treasure house and unlock the treasure chest which contains lots of valuable pieces you’ve left unused for decades. These treasures can be Love, empathy, compassion, gratitude, smiles, family, time, self-love, compliments, relationships, honesty, faithfulness, salvation, and many more.

    Finding these treasures and making appropriate use of them will produce lasting Happiness and Joy within you.

    Receiving and Giving Love is the first step to finding true Happiness. Therefore, Love is an important treasure you must first discover to find true Happiness.

    3. Embrace Self-love

    Loving yourself is the first step to self-discovery. You wouldn’t know how awesome you are if you do not appreciate yourself and acknowledge how unique and special you are. If you want to be truly happy, you must accept who you are. You are wonderfully and fearfully created irrespective of the flaws in your life. Those flaws are there to actually make you a unique being and not to pull you down.

    4. Make your passion your career

    One of the major reasons for unhappy and unfulfilled life is when people find themselves in a career that they are not passionate about. This lack of passion reduces their rate of productivity in such a career and thus they are unhappy.

    Making whatever you are passionate about a career will cause you to work selflessly and impact your world. Making a financial profit is not the main goal here, but touching and impacting other people’s life positively. You will be happier when you see others being happy through you.

    5. Invest in yourself

    Investing in yourself can be in the form of acquiring new skills that enables you to be of good help and service to others. Investing in yourself increases your self-worth. You will see yourself as important and live the same. You will also attract love and respect from others.

    Developing your skills and talents is a means to give back to your society.

    The Bottomline

    You can only find true happiness within yourself.