Do you sometimes feel you’re just going through the motions in life alone? Maybe you always act like you’re fine when you secretly feel lonely and disconnected from people? Perhaps, you seem to have a good life, and yet somehow, it’s not enough to make you happy. Or perhaps you engage in weird activities like drinking too much, eating too much, or risking too much, just to feel something good. You may suffer from Childhood Emotional Neglect. If so, you are not alone.
Childhood emotional neglect occurs when a child’s parent or parents fails to respond adequately or promptly to their child’s emotional needs in a loving manner. Emotional neglect may not necessarily be childhood emotional abuse. Abuse is most times an intentional act by the oppressor; it’s a purposeful choice to act in a way that is harmful. However, emotional neglect can be an unintentional disregard for a child’s feelings. It can also be a failure to act or notice a child’s emotional needs.
Parents who emotionally neglect their children may still provide care and basic necessities for the child. They just miss out on or mishandle this one key area of support. They do not think the child really has an emotional need at that age. The parent does not understand that the child has an emotional need to be attended to.
An example of emotional neglect is a child who tells their parent they’re sad about a friend’s attitude at school. The parent ignores it as a childhood game instead of listening and helping the child cope. Over time, the child begins to learn that their emotional needs are not important and then, the child stops seeking support. It may be hard for parents to know they’re doing it. Likewise, it may be difficult for caregivers, such as doctors or teachers, to recognize the subtle signs.
Common signs of childhood emotional neglect in children are:
Depression
anxiety
apathy
failure to thrive
hyperactivity
aggression
developmental delays
low self-esteem
substance misuse
withdrawing from friends and activities
appearing uncaring or indifferent
shunning emotional closeness or intimacy
The effects of emotional neglect in children can be quite subtle and this has been found to be one of the major causes of depression in adults who have experienced childhood emotional neglect. Adults who have experienced childhood emotional neglect find it difficult to handle their emotions. They could also become parents who neglect the emotions of their children as they have not received such love.
Common effects on adults who have experienced childhood emotional neglect:
post-traumatic stress disorder
emotional unavailability
the increasing likelihood for an eating disorder
shunning intimacy
feeling deeply, personally flawed
feeling empty
poor self-discipline
guilt and shame
anger and aggressive behaviors
difficulty trusting others or relying upon anyone else
7 Best ways to overcome childhood emotional neglect as an adult.
Understanding the symptoms of emotional neglect in children can be important to getting the child and parents help. However, many children do not speak out nor receive help until adulthood. Whether you are a teenager or an adult who have experienced childhood neglect, I have good news for you. The good news is that you can overcome and live a happier life.
1. Recognize and accept God’s love for you.
Psalm 27:10
“When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up.”
Do your feelings hurt because you didn’t receive enough love and care from your parents as a child? Or you feel betrayed by the one who should love you. Here is a healing balm for you. The Lord is a loving father, he can do much more than your earthly parents will do. He loves you and will always care for you. He will take you up(adopt) you as his own child. Know that you are now a joint-heir with Christ. God’s love for you is the utmost.
2. Forget the past
Isaiah 43:18-19 CEV
“Forget what happened long ago! Don’t think about the past.
I am creating something new. There it is! Do you see it? I have put roads in deserts, streams in thirsty lands.”
Forgetting the past is one of the best things to do to overcome the emotional neglect or any form of childhood abuse that you have experienced in the past. You don’t have to cling to the things of the past. The past is gone and behind you, it no longer has power over you. Let go of the past, the hurt, the pain the shame, anything you might have experienced. It’s time for a new beginning, you can begin again. God is creating something new for your favor. A new and glorious future. Can’t you see it? There it is, you can have it now. He is sending help to you, turning impossibilities into possibilities. God has your best interest at heart. His plans for you are only good, to give to you the desired future.
Do not be afraid anymore. Let go of the past! Start walking towards the future!
3. Embrace total dependence on God
Deuteronomy 32:12-13
“The LORD alone led him, and no foreign god was with him
He made him (Israel) ride on the high places of the earth, And he ate the produce of the field; And He made him suck honey from the rock, And [olive] oil from the flinty rock,”
To overcome the hurts and pains of childhood emotional neglect or abuse, you need to depend on and trust in God absolutely. I know you might find it difficult to trust people or to depend on them because of your past experience. But God is saying, “you can trust me”, “You can depend on him”. He wants you to make him the love of your life, he wants you to give him all the space in your heart. When you make God your all in all, he will lead you through life, he will cause you to walk upon the high places of the earth, he will make impossibilities possible. He will turn your story around and give you a brand-new life.
Would you make him your all in all today?
4. Have the mind of Christ
Philippians 2:5
“and think the same way that Christ Jesus thought:”
Ask God to help you handle your emotions aright constantly, by thinking the same way that Christ Jesus thought. Do not be controlled by your feelings of hurt because of childhood emotional neglect. But ask yourself, “how will Jesus think or respond to this kind of situation am in”. Then you do likewise. You should constantly meditate on God’s word, as this will help you align your thoughts and emotions to that of Christ. When you do this, instead of being hurt constantly and depressed, you will lead a happy life.
5. God has a plan for you
“I will bless you with a future filled with hope–a future of success, not of suffering.”
I know that you have been neglected emotionally and have not received the love and care that you desire whether as a child or an adult. However, I want you to know that God has a plan for your life. You don’t have to live in constant depression or emotional trauma. God wants to bless you with a future filled with hope. He will give you the future that your parents could never give to you. Jesus wants to take away the sufferings and pains as a result of childhood emotional neglect. He wants to make you smile again.
Get connected with a life coach to help you discover God’s purpose for your life. Find help here
6. Live a happy life
“If you are cheerful, you feel good; if you are sad, you hurt all over.”
Living a happy and cheerful life will help you to overcome the pains of childhood emotional neglect. You need to make the decision to be happy at all times. Being happy constantly will help you to control your emotions properly, live a healthier life and be productive at work.
7. Forgive yourself and others
Matthew 6:15
“But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
You need to forgive yourself, if you are holding some grudges and bitterness against yourself. It is not your fault that you experienced childhood emotional neglect nor is it your parent’s fault. Do not blame yourself for this. Forgive yourself and also your parents so that your heavenly father can also forgive you your sins.
The bottom line
Matthew 11:28
“If you are tired from carrying heavy burdens, come to me and I will give you rest.”
Are you tired of being depressed, bitter, angered, unhappy, and living a life of uncertainty? Come unto Jesus. He will heal your wounds, restore you and give you a new life.
Do you need counseling? Or would like to talk to someone on how to get healed from the pains of childhood emotional neglect? Find help here.
