The Llivingemerald

Tag: love

  • Tell your child you’re pregnant: 6 simple ways to happily announce your second pregnancy

    Tell your child you’re pregnant: 6 simple ways to happily announce your second pregnancy

    Planning to increase your family size by welcoming another child? Waoh! That’s awesome! However, You need to tell your child you’re pregnant. Telling your kid he will be having a baby sister or brother can look weird. A lot of Questions will pop up in your mind, like, how do I make Brandy understand he’ll be having a brother or sister? Will he actually understand why? Will he still know that Daddy and Mummy love him? Wouldn’t he think another baby is coming to take his place? How will he bond with the new baby? And lots more.

    There is no need to be worried, all you need to do is creatively tell your child you’re pregnant in 6 simple ways.

    1. Creatively tell your child you’re pregnant

    When I and my spouse started planning on having our second child, we literally involved our three-year-old in the discussion by telling, him that daddy and mummy will love to give him a sister or brother like some of his friends in school had.

    He was so excited to hear this as he has always talked about his friends who had sisters and brothers. He loves to cuddle his teddy bear and calls him baby. As a mother, I tried to explain to him that mummy can give him a real baby that he can play with, share his toys with, and go to school with, and that they will have lots of fun together. He was so happy and excited so much that he was already expecting his baby even when I was yet to get pregnant. This is the first step to telling your child you’re pregnant.

    2. Show your child some baby stuff around the house

    It wouldn’t be a big deal to tell your child you’re pregnant if you can get the child prepared psychologically and emotionally. Another way I tried to tell my child I am pregnant was to show him some of his baby stuff that are still in his baby wardrobe. It told him the baby stuff used to e for him but now that he has outgrown them then they will be used for his baby. On hearing this, he was excited so much that any time I tried to pick any of the baby stuff like clothes, he will say, ‘Mom, that’s for my baby, can you please keep it?’ Hearing him say such words made me know that he is actually prepared to have a brother or sister.

    3. Let your child know where the baby will come from

    During this time, my three-year-old will sometimes ask me, ‘Mom, where is my baby?’ and I will respond by telling him the baby is with God in heaven but will soon be in mummy’s stomach. That sounds weird, isn’t it? This made it easy for him to understand that mummy is carrying a child when I eventually got pregnant.

    When I got pregnant, I told him his baby is now in my stomach and he needs to be gentle with mummy, so the rough play will be limited, no running into a mummy for hugs but gentle hugs. Pretty well, he was able to understand and will usually ask, ‘Mom, is your stomach paining you? Is there a baby in your stomach?’ and I will answer with a yes.

    4. Let your child bond with the baby-to-be

    You don’t need lengthy words to tell your child you are pregnant, when your baby bump start showing, let the child touch the baby bump, speak with the baby and get connected with the baby emotionally. When you start showing could be a time you may want to tell your friends and family that you are pregnant, this is a good time to eventually tell your child that you are pregnant. I will suggest that you share the news first with your child before you share it with your friends and family.

    5. Let your child be at one of your hospital visits.

    My son was excited the first time he saw his baby on the screen when I went for my 12 weeks scan. He was happy to see the baby and had an increased expectation to have a new baby. He understood that of a truth, there is a baby in mummy’s stomach. My son sometimes advises that I go to the hospital and let the doctor touch my stomach whenever I complain of any discomfort in my lower abdomen.

    6. Get your child involved in picking out the baby things like clothes, etc.

    Getting my son involved in picking out the baby’s things and arranging the baby’s wardrobe is one of the exciting ways I told my child I was pregnant. Knowing that he was going to have a baby sister, he was excited to pick beautiful girls’ clothes, shoes, toys, and accessories for his baby-to-be.

    In conclusion, telling your child you’re pregnant can be an exciting and creative experience. By following these six simple steps, you can ensure a smooth transition for your child into becoming a big brother or sister. First, involve your child in the discussion and express your desire to give them a sibling. Next, show them some baby items around the house, signaling the arrival of a new family member.

    Explain to your child where the baby will come from in a way they can understand. As your pregnancy progresses, allow your child to bond with the baby by touching your baby bump and speaking to the baby. Consider bringing them along to one of your hospital visits, where they can see the baby on the screen and further connect with the idea of a new sibling.

    Finally, involve your child in picking out baby items, making them feel important and excited about the upcoming arrival. By taking these steps, you can ensure that your child feels loved, included, and prepared for the wonderful journey of welcoming a new brother or sister into their life.

     

  • Emotional Blackmail

    Emotional Blackmail

    Emotional Blackmail

    To emotionally blackmail someone means that they will appeal to your emotions to influence your actions or change your perspective.

    In 1997, Dr. Susan, a therapist, author, and lecturer, wrote a book titled: Emotional Blackmail, which explained the concept’s meaning in detail. “Emotional Blackmail is when the People in or around Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You” She introduced the concept of emotional blackmail by using case studies to understand better how to overcome this type of manipulation.

    Erika Myers, a therapist based in Bend, Oregon, explained emotional blackmail as being subtle and insidious. It’s an act that might appear as withholding of affection, expression of disappointment, or even a slight shift in body language,” she says.

    The mechanism of emotional blackmail, and how it functions

    Emotional blackmail, like traditional blackmail, is a form of coercion used to coerce a desired response. However, rather than using their knowledge of your secrets or soft spots against you, the exploiter plays on your vulnerabilities by exploiting your feelings.

    Six stages of Emotional Blackmail

    1. Demand

    To begin the process of emotional blackmail, one must make a demand.

    You could hear something like, “I don’t believe you should hang out with so-and-so anymore.”

    Such a friend could play down the significance  by saying something like “You know that friend: they always act down and speak sarcastically when you see them.” However, when You inquire as to their distress, and he respond, “I don’t like the way they stare at me.” In my opinion, such a friend is harmful to your health.

    A person who emotionally blackmail you secretly demands something of you, but they’ll say they want what’s best for you. However, this is still an effort to influence who you choose to be friends with or what you do.

     

    1. Resistance

    People who practice emotional blackmail will likely exert pressure if you refuse to comply with their demands.

    Simply stating, “I’m not comfortable letting you drive my car because you’re not insured” is a way of stating your reason why you do not want your partner to drive your car. But if you’re concerned about their reaction, you can quietly refuse by saying things like:

    “The car ran out of gas because I “forgot” to fill it up”, “I forgot to secure my keys”, or you might keep silent and pray he forgets about you.

     

    1. Pressure

    In a happy and healthy friendship, each partner expresses their wants and needs to the other. Usually, when one partner encounters resistance in a relationship, the other either backs down or makes an effort to work things out.

    A blackmailer will use any means necessary to get what they want from you, which could include the following:

    • repetition of their demand couched in terms that enhance their credibility (e.g., “I’m only thinking of our future”).
    • elaborating on the detrimental effects your resistance has on them
    • the use of phrases like “If you loved me, you’d do it”
    • putting you down or offering criticism
    1. Threats

    Direct or indirect threats can both be used in emotional blackmail.

    A blackmailer might express a direct and immediate negative effect of your resistance to their demand on you. Saying something like, “I won’t be here when you get back if you go out with your friends tonight.”

    He might also speak of a Possibility of harm, but not directly. He might say things like, “If you can’t be here with me tonight, when I really need you, maybe someone else can.”

    They may say something like, “I am sure we’ll have a much better time together than you’d have going out, our connection depends on this.” This is meant to sound like a promise but is actually a threat..

    They are trying to manipulate you even though this might  seem like much of a threat. They don’t come out and say it, but they hint that continuing to resist won’t do anything positive for your relationship.

    1. Compliance

    You give up and cave in because you obviously don’t want them to follow through on their threats. You may begin to question whether or not your refusal of their “request” was justified.

    Eventually giving in to the pressure and threats can be the best option, but it’s possible that compliance will be a long and arduous process. When you finally cave in, the storm will pass. Since they now have what they wanted, they may appear exceptionally compassionate and caring.

    1. Repetition

    If the other player sees that you are willing to give in, they will be able to anticipate your moves in future encounters. Its easy to give in to your manipulator especially when you are going through tough times and you needed some love. But, you need to know that when you give in the first time, then there are more chances that you will give in the next time.

    Emotional blackmail has a cumulative effect, making it simpler to give in than to resist mounting pressure and threats. It’s possible you’ll learn to accept the fact that they’ll withhold their love until you give in to their demands.

    They may discover that a specific threatening tactic is more effective than others in getting results quickly. The current trend is, therefore, likely to persist.

    The Bottom line

    Whenever you experience emotional blackmail, do resolve into giving in quickly, you can learn how to overcome emotional blackmail and have a healthy relationship.

  • 20 Bible verses for women going through postpartum depression

    20 Bible verses for women going through postpartum depression

    Bible verses to overcome postpartum depression

    Postpartum depression is common among 15% of new moms. However, even if you fall among this 15% who are currently having postpartum depression, I want you to know that you are not alone. God’s love, joy, and peace are available to fill your heart and to make you a joyful mother of children.

    Aside from other causes of depression, there is a spiritual side of it that most people do not believe exists even if they are told. You can be victorious with these bible verses to overcome postpartum depression. However, no matter the cause of your postpartum depression symptoms, I want you to know that your child is god’s gift to you and he wants you to be happy and healthy as you raise the child.

    3john 2 says, “Beloved, I pray that in every way you may succeed and prosper and be in good health [physically], just as [I know] your soul prospers [spiritually].”

    God is not only concerned about your spirit, he also delights in your physical and emotional wellness and that of your baby. You are not a mistake neither is your baby an accident. You both were part of God’s plan before heaven and earth existed.

    Therefore, you have nothing to fear. God wants you to live above fear, depression, anxiety, sadness, irritation, and all symptoms of depression. He wants you to live a happy life using these bible verses to overcome postpartum depression.

    God has made a lot of promises to you in his word and here are some bible verses to overcome postpartum depression.

    The spiritual side of Postpartum depression

    John 10:10 declare, “The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life, and have it in abundance [to the full, till it overflows”

    Depression is one of the weapons that the devil uses in stealing, killing, and destroying our joy as humans. It’s not part of God’s plan for our lives yet the devil introduces it into our lives so that we can be limited if not cut off in achieving the purpose of God for being on earth. Depression is a weapon in the devil’s hand to afflict us but you have a much more powerful weapon in your hand and this weapon is the word of God.

    For the weapon of our warfare are not carnal but they are mighty through Christ for the pulling down of strongholds, casting down every imagination, and bringing every high thing to the obedience of Christ. These bible verses to overcome postpartum depression are your weapons.

    This is what the weapon of the word of God will do for you, helping you to overcome the devil, his weapons, and his tactics. Although you might not be able to prevent postpartum depression, the Goodnews is that you are more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus because he has overcome the world for you.

    It’s good to see the doctor for treatment, yes! It’s an important step that you must take. However, confronting depression with the word of God is the ultimate solution and healing strategy. These bible verses to overcome postpartum depression are for you

    Bible verses to overcome postpartum depression

    1. Ephesians 6:12

    “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood [contending only with physical opponents], but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this [present] darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly (supernatural) places.”

    1. John 10:10

    “The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life, and have it in abundance [to the full, till it overflows”

    1. 1John 4:4

    “Little children (believers, dear ones), you are of God and you belong to Him and have [already] overcome them [the agents of the antichrist]; because He who is in you is greater than he (Satan) who is in the world [of sinful mankind].”

    1. Roman8:28

    “And we know [with great confidence] that God [who is deeply concerned about us] causes all things to work together [as a plan] for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His plan and purpose.”

    These bible verses to overcome postpartum depression are your weapons of warfare. You should, therefore, engage them in fighting against the devil.

    1. James 1:5

    “If any of you lacks wisdom [to guide him through a decision or circumstance], he is to ask of [our benevolent] God, who gives to everyone generously and without rebuke or blame, and it will be given to him.”

    1. Proverb 3:5-6

    [5] Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

    [6] In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

    1. 2corinthian 12:9

    But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

    1. Philippians 4:19

    And my God will supply all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

    1. 2Timothy 1:7

    For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.

    1. Romans 8:1

    So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.

    More Bible verses to overcome postpartum depression

    1. 1Samuel 1:27

    I asked the LORD to give me this boy, and he has granted my request.

    1. Matthew 11:28-30

    28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

    1. Romans 5:3-5

    3 Not only so, but we[a] also glory in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

    1. John 15:4

    Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.

    1. Psalm 56:3

    But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in you.

    1. Psalm 73:26

    My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever.

    1. 2corinthian 4:15-16

    15 All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

    16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.

    1. Isaiah 41:10

    Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.

    1. Isaiah 66:13

    As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted over Jerusalem.”

    1. Philippians 4:6-7

    Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

    1. Galatians 6:9-10

    9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 10 Therefore, as we have an opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

    Conclusion

    Taking care of a newborn coupled with other family chores can be breathtaking and painstaking. However, I want you to know that your duties as a mom are a service unto the lord with reward and you need to do it with joy. You should know that God cares about your mental health.

    I know that it’s not easy but the spirit of God is available to help you as you trust him and depend on him daily. You are planting a seed of love into the heart of your little one and your labor of love will not be in vain. Keeping a constant daily relationship with God will help you to lead a joyful and happy life for your children to emulate.

  • My postpartum depression story

    My postpartum depression story

    My postpartum depression story.

    Postpartum depression is common among women after child delivery and can be a result of emotional changes, and psychological, physical, financial, and social changes.

    Postpartum depression is common among new moms who are first-time moms and each of these moms has unique symptoms of postpartum feelings or postpartum depression.

    Just like 75% of new moms who experience postpartum or baby blues, I have also had my fair share of it.

    If you are a new mom who is experiencing postpartum depression, know that you are not alone. As a first-time mom, I was so enthusiastic about having my baby and I have always fantasized about how my little prince charming will look like as I hold him. However, fate had a different plan for me.

    The pregnancy journey was all fine until my due date came and passed, I was 40 weeks and 2 days gone, and the anxiety of carrying the pregnancy begin to set in. All I wanted at this time was to have my baby delivered as I was getting emotionally and physically drained from carrying the pregnancy for so long. The doctor said I can still wait for one more week for the water to break and if not, there might be a need for a cesarean section.

    When I was 40 days and 5 days gone, I had this sharp pain in my tummy that stroked through my shoulder and my back and some little water coming from my vagina. And the vuum! I went to the hospital the following morning. The doctor said my cervix was 2cm dilated. The contractions were inconsistent and not strong for over 8 hours then the doctor said he will have to induce my cervix for quick contractions. After the inductions, the cervix was still 4cm dilated for another 8 hours and then the doctor said he will have to perform a compulsory c-section if the cervix dilation did not increase.

    With low energy and motivation, I agreed to the c-section. I was given loads of injections before and after the c-section, and 24 hours after the c-section I got better. I was happy to see my son and to hold him just like I have been optimistic.

    However, I experience fear, anxiety, irritation, sadness, and worry when my blood pressure will not be lowered and the breast milk will not flow out for the baby to suck and the baby cried a lot, refusing to be pacified with formula food.

    When we brought the baby home, a lot of family and friends came over, but I was so irritated by their presence and lots of talk. I knew I was getting depressed but I do not know how to handle this. I get upset and irritated at any slight provocation. I couldn’t eat much, I get angry so easily and wondered where the baby came from. Seeing the house cluttered, dirty, and disorganized was a major trigger for irritation and anxiety, and coupled with the fact that I was forced to eat certain cultural food which was believed to help in the increased production of breast milk was also irritating and depressing.

    I knew this was not the real me, so I decided to ask google what my symptoms indicate. I could have gone to the hospital but actually, I didn’t have the knowledge that postpartum depression was a medical condition that can be treated medically.

    So, when I discovered my symptoms were that of postpartum depression, I search for how to overcome postpartum depression.

    How I overcame postpartum depression

    The first step to overcoming postpartum depression is that recognized that I was depressed, and needed help. I spoke with my partner who encouraged me and I also spoke with a few friends who are moms and have experienced postpartum depression. They also encouraged me and gave me some tips on how to go easy with myself and the surrounding people to ease the symptoms of postpartum depression.

    Some tips that helped me overcome postpartum depression are:

    I accepted my child and the circumstances of his birth knowing that they were not my fault no anybody’s fault.

    I loved my child for who he is

    I accepted the fact the family members who take care of the baby will soon leave and I will have my privacy

    Domestic help can always clean the house

    My child is a gift from God which I must be grateful for.

    It’s not a must for me to breastfeed, I can bottle-feed and my baby will still be healthy.

    I constantly accepted love and asked for help from my partner

    I visited the hospital for postnatal depression therapy for my mental health improvement.

    I could overcome postpartum depression, not until 3 to 4 months after my delivery. I regained my normal life and my baby continued to grow healthy and loving.