Tag: self-love

  • Narcissist: 7 Best tips for living with a Narcissist

    Narcissist: 7 Best tips for living with a Narcissist

    Narcissist: 7 Best tips for living with a Narcissist

    Narcissists are one of the hardest types of persons to live with because they demand so much from their partner yet they are insatiable. Instead of giving in to the demands of a narcissist, there are ways to handle them when you are able to identify the type of narcissism traits that he/she exhibits. These 5 best ways for living with a narcissist will help you greatly.

    7 Best tips for living with a Narcissist

    Don’t believe the narcissist’s fantasies when dealing with them.

      Narcissists often have magnetic personalities and endearing demeanors. They’re pros at portraying an enticingly idealized version of themselves. We’re drawn to their outward displays of self-assurance and grandiose aspirations, and the more insecure we feel about ourselves, the stronger this attraction becomes. It’s simple to fall into their trap and believe they hold the key to making us feel like we matter and have a purpose in life. However, this is merely a dream and a very expensive one at that.

      It won’t meet your requirements (or even be recognized). Keep in mind that narcissists aren’t searching for committed relationships, but rather compliant fans. Narcissists only care about you as long as you’re willing to feed their endless need for praise. What you want and how you feel are irrelevant.

      Take a look at the narcissist’s behavior toward other people. To the extent that the narcissist lies, manipulates, hurts, and disrespects others, that is exactly how he or she will treat you. Don’t kid yourself into thinking you’re special and will be exempt.

      Identify who they really are

      Don’t look at things through rose-colored glasses. Realize the narcissist in your life and identify who they really are, and not who you want them to be. Don’t rationalize away the pain that bad behavior is causing you. Denying the problem will not make it go away. Reality check: narcissists are notoriously resistant to change, so you need to make a decision on whether you can sustain this lifestyle indefinitely.

      Establish some limits.

      Respect and care for one another are the cornerstones of a healthy relationship. However, narcissists aren’t able to sustain genuine two-way relationships. They can’t do it, and it’s not just a matter of willpower. It’s as if you don’t exist in their world. No one can hear you. They fail to see you as an individual with needs distinct from their own. This is why narcissists constantly cross others’ personal space lines. They act this way with an indescribable sense of entitlement for rummaging through your things, borrowing items, reading your mail and private correspondence, listening in on private conversations, crashing your party without your permission, stealing your ideas, or giving you unsolicited advice.

      In order to start establishing healthier boundaries where your needs are respected, it is crucial to identify these violations of what they are.

      7 Best tips for living with a Narcissist

      Formulate a strategy.

      It’s not simple to regain control after a prolonged pattern of allowing others to cross your boundaries. Prepare yourself for achievement by thinking through both your end goals and any potential roadblocks. What are the most significant alterations you anticipate making? Which of you has the upper hand, and how will that affect your strategy? To what extent do you plan to enforce your new limits?

      If your answer is yes, then, you’ll be better able to assess your choices and create a workable strategy. You should also expect some other relationship shifts. A narcissist will become upset and threatened if you try to assert your independence. These people are accustomed to being in charge. To make up for it, they might increase their demands in other areas, withdraw as a form of punishment, or try to charm or manipulate you into abandoning the new boundaries. Keep your ground.

      Let things roll off your back.

      Don’t believe the narcissist’s false claims about you. Narcissists are not grounded in reality, and their perceptions of others reflect that. Don’t let their game of blame and shame bring you down. Refuse to take on blame, criticism, or responsibility that isn’t yours to carry. The narcissist is free to hold onto their own negativity. It’s not worth it to debate a narcissist.

      To defend oneself and show the narcissist how wrong they are is human nature when under attack. However, they are unlikely to listen to you no matter how reasonable or convincing your argument is. And if you argue, it could get ugly. Avoid wasting your breath. Just let the narcissist know that you don’t agree with their evaluation and move on.

      Give up your need to be accepted.

      You must learn to stop caring about what the narcissist thinks and stop trying to appease them at the expense of your own needs and wants. You must be able to accept the truth about who you are, even if the narcissist has a different take on things.

      Try to find help and meaning somewhere else.

      Be realistic about your expectations if you decide to stay in a relationship with a narcissist. You won’t find genuine love and acceptance from him/her, so you should look elsewhere for these things. You’ll feel valued, heard, and at ease to be yourself in a relationship based on mutual respect and understanding. Be around those who will give you a true picture of who you are. Spending time with people who accept you for who you really are and validate your thoughts and feelings can help you maintain perspective and resist narcissistic manipulations.

      Find fulfillment in your vocation, your volunteer efforts, and the activities you enjoy, try devoting yourself to endeavors that put your skills to good use while also allowing you to make a positive impact on the world.

    1. Emotional Blackmail

      Emotional Blackmail

      Emotional Blackmail

      To emotionally blackmail someone means that they will appeal to your emotions to influence your actions or change your perspective.

      In 1997, Dr. Susan, a therapist, author, and lecturer, wrote a book titled: Emotional Blackmail, which explained the concept’s meaning in detail. “Emotional Blackmail is when the People in or around Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You” She introduced the concept of emotional blackmail by using case studies to understand better how to overcome this type of manipulation.

      Erika Myers, a therapist based in Bend, Oregon, explained emotional blackmail as being subtle and insidious. It’s an act that might appear as withholding of affection, expression of disappointment, or even a slight shift in body language,” she says.

      The mechanism of emotional blackmail, and how it functions

      Emotional blackmail, like traditional blackmail, is a form of coercion used to coerce a desired response. However, rather than using their knowledge of your secrets or soft spots against you, the exploiter plays on your vulnerabilities by exploiting your feelings.

      Six stages of Emotional Blackmail

      1. Demand

      To begin the process of emotional blackmail, one must make a demand.

      You could hear something like, “I don’t believe you should hang out with so-and-so anymore.”

      Such a friend could play down the significance  by saying something like “You know that friend: they always act down and speak sarcastically when you see them.” However, when You inquire as to their distress, and he respond, “I don’t like the way they stare at me.” In my opinion, such a friend is harmful to your health.

      A person who emotionally blackmail you secretly demands something of you, but they’ll say they want what’s best for you. However, this is still an effort to influence who you choose to be friends with or what you do.

       

      1. Resistance

      People who practice emotional blackmail will likely exert pressure if you refuse to comply with their demands.

      Simply stating, “I’m not comfortable letting you drive my car because you’re not insured” is a way of stating your reason why you do not want your partner to drive your car. But if you’re concerned about their reaction, you can quietly refuse by saying things like:

      “The car ran out of gas because I “forgot” to fill it up”, “I forgot to secure my keys”, or you might keep silent and pray he forgets about you.

       

      1. Pressure

      In a happy and healthy friendship, each partner expresses their wants and needs to the other. Usually, when one partner encounters resistance in a relationship, the other either backs down or makes an effort to work things out.

      A blackmailer will use any means necessary to get what they want from you, which could include the following:

      • repetition of their demand couched in terms that enhance their credibility (e.g., “I’m only thinking of our future”).
      • elaborating on the detrimental effects your resistance has on them
      • the use of phrases like “If you loved me, you’d do it”
      • putting you down or offering criticism
      1. Threats

      Direct or indirect threats can both be used in emotional blackmail.

      A blackmailer might express a direct and immediate negative effect of your resistance to their demand on you. Saying something like, “I won’t be here when you get back if you go out with your friends tonight.”

      He might also speak of a Possibility of harm, but not directly. He might say things like, “If you can’t be here with me tonight, when I really need you, maybe someone else can.”

      They may say something like, “I am sure we’ll have a much better time together than you’d have going out, our connection depends on this.” This is meant to sound like a promise but is actually a threat..

      They are trying to manipulate you even though this might  seem like much of a threat. They don’t come out and say it, but they hint that continuing to resist won’t do anything positive for your relationship.

      1. Compliance

      You give up and cave in because you obviously don’t want them to follow through on their threats. You may begin to question whether or not your refusal of their “request” was justified.

      Eventually giving in to the pressure and threats can be the best option, but it’s possible that compliance will be a long and arduous process. When you finally cave in, the storm will pass. Since they now have what they wanted, they may appear exceptionally compassionate and caring.

      1. Repetition

      If the other player sees that you are willing to give in, they will be able to anticipate your moves in future encounters. Its easy to give in to your manipulator especially when you are going through tough times and you needed some love. But, you need to know that when you give in the first time, then there are more chances that you will give in the next time.

      Emotional blackmail has a cumulative effect, making it simpler to give in than to resist mounting pressure and threats. It’s possible you’ll learn to accept the fact that they’ll withhold their love until you give in to their demands.

      They may discover that a specific threatening tactic is more effective than others in getting results quickly. The current trend is, therefore, likely to persist.

      The Bottom line

      Whenever you experience emotional blackmail, do resolve into giving in quickly, you can learn how to overcome emotional blackmail and have a healthy relationship.

    2. Self-harm Bible verses: 10 Amazing Self-harm Bible verses you must know

      Self-harm Bible verses: 10 Amazing Self-harm Bible verses you must know

      Self-harm Bible verses: 10 Amazing Self-harm Bible verses you must know

      Are you wondering whether God cares about you because you self-harm? Yes, he does.

      There are several self-harm Bible Verses where God expresses his desire for you to be in good health both physically and emotionally. God does not want you to cut yourself or engage in any form of self-harm methods.

      These self-harm bible verses reveal God’s displeasure when you self-harm.

      1. Leviticus 19:28

      “You shall not make any cuts on your body for the dead or tattoo yourselves: I am the LORD”.ESV

      One of the reasons why people engage in self-harm is the loss of a loved one and a common way to self-harm is cutting.

      God wants you to know that he owns your body and that your body is so precious to him. Therefore, he does not want you to cut yourself.

      1. 1 Corinthians 16:19-20

      “What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore, glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.” KJV

      You do not own yourself; you belong to God and likewise your body. You are the image of a good God and his spirit dwells in you. God wants to show forth his glory through you, so he does not want you to self-harm.

      1. 1Peter 5:7

      “casting all your cares [all your anxieties, all your worries, and all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares about you [with deepest affection, and watches over you carefully].” Amplified Bible

      Anxiety is one of the reasons why people self-harm. Nevertheless, God wants you to cast your cares and troubles on him for he cares for you. You don’t have to carry the burdens all by yourself, He loves you and he’s willing to go down the road with you until you come to the place of glory and honor he has prepared for you.

      1. Jeremiah 29:11

      “I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for.” GNT

      Losing the sense of control over ones’ life with a lack of personal direction for life and purpose is sometimes a cause for self-harming among youths. However, you should always remember that God has a plan for your life. You can always turn to him for light and direction in the journey of your life.

      1. Isaiah 41:10

      “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” ESV

      Is fear a reason you self-harm? These Bible verses about self-harm is for you. Fear will only paralyze the future that God has for you. God has given you the grace to be strong and courageous. Instead of cowering in fear, stand up against your problem, challenge it and overcome it.

      1. Psalm 23:4

      “Even when I go through the darkest valley, I fear no danger, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff—they comfort me.” Holman Christian Standard Bible.

      When you self-harm, there is a tendency that you will be suicidal. God promised you a life full of joy, hope, health and prosperity. He want to satisfy you with a long life, therefore even though you are going through difficult times, be rest assured that God is with you.

      1. Deuteronomy 14:1

      “You are the sons of the LORD your God; you shall not cut yourselves nor shave your forehead for the sake of the dead,” Amplified Bible

      Hey friend! You are a son/daughter of God. God himself is your father, and he does not want you to self-injure.

      1. Psalm 34:17

      “The LORD hears his people when they call to him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles.” NLT

      Seeking for help is not a sign of weakness or being a coward. If you desire to stop self-harming the first step is to seek for help. You need to seek for medical help and also seek for help from the Lord through prayers, counselling and mentoring.

      1. Jeremiah 31:3

      “Some time ago, the LORD appeared to me and told me to say: Israel, I will always love you; that’s why I’ve been so patient and kind.” CEV

      God loves you with an everlasting love and therefore, he wants you to be in health. Self-harming will have a negative impact on your health, you will have cut scars and might hate yourself. God loves you and does not want you to hate yourself.

      1. Joshua 1:9

      “I’ve commanded you to be strong and brave. Don’t ever be afraid or discouraged! I am the LORD your God, and I will be there to help you wherever you go.” CEV

      God is always with you even when you self-harm. Nevertheless, he does not want you to continue in the act, he want to help you and give you the life of your dream.

      Conclusion

      Any time you feel the urge to self harm, you should meditate on these Self-harm Bible verses. They will strengthen your mind, distract your attention, and increase the love of God in your heart.

      Share this amazing self-harm bible verses with your friends and help them overcome self-harm.

       

       

       

    3. Self-harm Alternative: 7 amazing self-harm strategies to use

      Self-harm Alternative: 7 amazing self-harm strategies to use

      Self-harm Alternative: 7 Amazing self-harm Alternatives to use

      Self-harm alternatives are coping strategies that can help you overcome the urge to self-harm or stop self-harming.

      If you want to stop self-harming, you must reach out for help and surround yourself with positive people. You shouldn’t feel you have to figure things out by yourself. Young individuals who always handle issues themselves may find it challenging to ask for and accept help. Learning to accept aid from others is a crucial step on the road to recovery.

      Self-harm can be a symptom of an underlying cause. Talking to a trusted person can help you identify that issue and develop healthier methods to deal with stress. Learning what triggers your sensations of joy, sorrow, anger, isolation, weakness, or strength can lead to more adaptive coping strategies.

      7 self-harm alternatives you should try out

      1. Psychotherapy

      Talking to an adult you trust, a friend, or a medical expert who is knowledgeable on the matter (preferably a psychiatrist) is the first step in seeking help. A psychiatrist will inquire about your present and prior health status and any self-harming actions. The diagnostic interview could span an hour or more.

      You can benefit from psychotherapy by learning to

      • recognize and deal with the causes of your self-harm;
      • cope more effectively with negative emotions;
      • build a more positive sense of self-control;
      • enhance your relationships and social skills;
      • solve problems in constructive ways.

      Individual psychotherapy can take many forms and may be beneficial sometimes.

      Types of psychotherapy can include:

      • Dialectical behavior therapy: This is a subset of CBT that teaches behavioral skills to help you handle distress, cope with or regulate emotions, and improve relationships with others;
      • Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT): This will help you identify negative, unhealthy beliefs and behaviors and replace them with healthy, adaptive ones.
      • Mindfulness-based therapies help you focus on the here-and-now, how to interpret the motives and actions of others around you accurately and ultimately lessen your anxiety and despair.
      1. Medical Care

      Unfortunately, self-injury is not in agreement with conventional medical treatment. However, medical care is proven to be an effective self-harm alternative for coping and control. Suppose they have diagnosed you with a mental health condition like depression or anxiety. In that case, your doctor may prescribe drugs such as antidepressants or other medications to treat the underlying cause contributing to your self-harm. If you suffer from one of these mental illnesses, getting treatment may reduce your desire or urge to hurt yourself.

       

      1. Psychiatric hospitality

      In cases of severe or recurring self-injury, medical professionals may advise patients to seek inpatient psychiatric care as a self-harm alternative. Being admitted to the hospital, even if only for a short period, can provide a secure environment and increased levels of care as you get through a treatment plan. Daily programs for mental health care may also be an option.

      1. A focus on self-care

      Besides medical attention, consider the following self-harm alternative:

      • Follow your doctor’s orders in the letter. Don’t miss therapy sessions and always take your medicine as indicated.
      • Be aware of what may cause you to experience the need to self-harm. Prepare yourself for the next time you feel the need to self-harm by thinking ahead about other ways to calm or distract yourself and receive help.
      • Keep the number of your doctor or mental health professional close at hand, and call them if you engage in self-injurious behavior.
      • Try to make exercise and breathing exercises a standard part of your day. Sustain a nutritious diet. Too much or not enough sleep can impact one’s mood and behavior, so it’s important to seek medical help if you’re having trouble.
      • Stay away from drugs and alcohol. They impair decision-making ability and increase the risk of self-harm.
      • If you’ve hurt yourself, make sure to bandage yourself and contact a doctor if you need to.
      • Keep healthy social relationships

       

      1. Understand yourself

      Understanding the cycles of self-harm is effective with journaling and reflecting on experiences. Recognize the situations that set off your triggers. Several factors triggered the impulse to injure oneself. These things could be persons, scenarios, ideas, or emotions.

      You can reduce or eliminate self-harm when you notice your impulses. Try keeping a journal of your observations about your cravings to recognize them when they arise.

      Some examples of urges for self-harm are a rapid heartbeat, a sense of heaviness, the experience of intense emotions such as grief or anger, a sense of alienation from oneself or a lack of sensation, and unhealthy decisions, such as overworking to escape uncomfortable emotions; negative recurrent ideas, like “I’m going to cut myself.”

      1. Distract yourself

      Distract yourself if you’re feeling the want to hurt yourself. It could take some time before your emotions are calm enough to handle this.

      The time to act is whenever you feel the need or as soon as you realize you are hurting yourself.

      As a self-harm alternative, you may find it helpful to list various methods of coping with your feelings.

      Always keep yourself in a healthy social setting. Take away any weapons or tools that could be used for harming oneself.

      1. Delay yourself from self-harming

      Delay engaging in self-harming until you’ve shared your feelings with someone else or waited 15 minutes. Try to get additional 15 minutes if possible. Keep going till you feel better.

      Releasing negative emotion as a self-harm alternative

      Finding effective strategies to help people quit self-harming is challenging. In other words, one person’s “magic bullet” may not work for another. You can deal with intense feelings by trying the following strategies:

      • keeping a journal,
      • working out to release excess energy,
      • expressing yourself vocally by screaming or singing loudly (into a pillow if you don’t want others to hear) when you’re alone or to music.
      • Anxiety can be reduced by regularly engaging in calming activities like yoga, meditation, or mental imagery.

      See how to practice mental imagery as a self-harm alternative

      • Crying is a perfectly acceptable approach (not a sign of being weak or stupid) to release unhealthy emotions like sadness or anger.
      • Communicate with a friend or with Shine Rose (shinerosewriter@gmail.com).
      • Read a book or your Bible
      • Pray if you are a Christian
      • Listen to a music
      • Engage in creative activities such as drawing, painting, writing, scribbling, dancing, etc.